literature

Stay the Night

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Literature Text

        Evelyn smokes the last Marlboro Special Blend that she expects to see in weeks, leaning against a shoddy brick wall down in the Skids.  She's pretending not to notice the person in the white Trans Am, that is, until she notices that said person's shoulder is moving precariously, incinuating that he or she is moving his or her hand pretty quick.  (S)He also seems to be glancing up at her every once in a while, and hell no, Sammy'll beat her with a frying pan if he finds out she's not charging for this.  She gives a wary look at the end of her cigarette which is still tantalyzingly far from the filter.

        She looks up and the person is still looking busy, so she peels herself away from the wall, drops the cigarette with a sigh of dismay and she mutters something about the fine individual who is about to bring her either her next paycheck or her next beating ("I'll be charging you extra, you rat bastard"), and calls out, "Hey!"  The person in the car's head snaps up quickly.  "You gotta pay to do that shit, motherfucker!"

        The window rolls down and Evelyn struts over to it, a sultry swing to her hips.  "What can I do for ya, sug-" She begins, but the girl in the car looks scared out of her mind, and in her hands is a sketchbook, not a penis.  Oh? "Sorry sweetie, I only play with-"

        "I-I'm not here for sex."  She interrupts, "And I'm not a cop, nor am I, like, a creepy stalker- well, maybe a little creepy stalkerish,  but only because-"  She takes a deep breath.  "I don't want to have sex with you."
        
        Evelyn raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

        The girl in the car waves her hands exasperatedly and tries again, "I'm an art student, I'm up at SVA? And I'm like-"

        "Listen sugar, as much as I'd love to sit and chat with you-"

        "Just listen!" She shrieks, and Evelyn is about done with being interrupted for the night, but she readjusts her stance and crosses her arms, giving the girl a look that says you have about one minute before a large black man with a sledgehammer escorts you off the premises in a fucking garbage bag.  The girl takes a deep breath, "So as I was saying, I'm an art student, and I'm working on a project for one of my classes.  It's sort of an erotica piece and I need a model.  I'm willing to pay you as much as I can, I just need you to stand for me.  How much are you for a whole night?"

        Evelyn sighs, pushing her long red curls out of her face.  "Five hundred.  And a pack of cigarettes, that was my last one."

        The girl bites her lip.  "Any extra fees I should be aware of?  That's kind of as much as my rent for a month so I'm really hoping that's it.  I'm pushing it as it is."

        "Only if you decide to sex me up."

        "Shouldn't be an issue."  The girl says.  She unlocks the door and Evelyn gingerly opens the door and steps into the car.  "I'm Katt-Marie, by the way."

        "Evelyn."
TEASER! New novel is in the works! Email me at alisonfoxwrites@hotmail.com for more details and maybe even a couple more sneak peaks and MAYBE if you're lucky and I ever finish this, once it's done, I'll send you a copy!

I'M BACK BITCHES!

Tell your friends!!

Love always,
Alison
© 2012 - 2024 AlisonLeeFox
Comments8
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HarukaMoon's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

The way this begins is very exact and tells readers what type of person Evelyn is. The language used and ways that she thinks about things also tells readers more about her inner thoughts. I like that the sentences are long and devided by commas; it gives it an older writing style (less modern) and is very interesting. The word tantalyzing is so different from what she thinks about which is in small slang words.

The thought in the first paragraph is italicized where in the second paragraph the thoughts are in quote/ pharenthese. The person in the car definetley makes a statement by using profanity. I was confused at first about the penis part; make clear that sex is on Evelyn's mind.

I think that the dialogue was well done and made the discussion real. I like the way Katt-Marie (nice name) is very outgoing and unafraid.

I really want to know what happens between these two.

The only problem I had was there was a lack of imagery. Where are they? What does it look like? What do they look like? These details would make it more exciting.

Good luck, I enjoyed it!!